- Seductive, but no true identity. She was sexy and extraordinarily seductive. But borderlines have no core personality, so they "adopt" your personality. At first, you think you've found your soul mate, someone who truly understands you, your needs, your desires. The reality is that they are chameleons, simply reflecting back to you your own desires. Then the illusion crumbles, and you realize the emptiness at the core of the borderline. Psychiatrists call this an identity disturbance.
- Manipulative. Borderlines are among the most manipulative individuals ever.
- Sociopathic. A borderline can and will lie whenever the lie suits their purpose, without regard for who they hurt. Borderlines make the absolute best con-men/con-women. They make great time-share sales people. They do not care who they take advantage of, or who they hurt. They completely lack any sense of ethics or moral compass. In a courtroom, their ability to lie with impunity gives them incredible credibility, and the only way to fight them is to demonstrate the inconsistencies in their testimony.
- Emotionally crippled. Many borderlines stopped developing emotionally at an early age, sometimes as early as three or four years of age. The age at which their emotional development halted usually correlates with significant physical or sexual abuse occurring at that time.
- Explosive. Psychiatrists refer to this as emotional lability. You are constantly walking on eggshells around the borderline, afraid that the slightest misstep, the slightest wrong word, will set off a full-blown adult screaming tantrum. This doesn't happen early in the relationship when you are being drawn in by the seductiveness of their siren call. But once you are hooked, watch out.
- Splitting. The borderline sees only black and white, and no shades of gray, with respect to the person closest to them being good or bad. I was alternately worshiped as the answer to all her dreams, or vilified as the devil incarnate.
- Fear of abandonment. "I hate you; don't leave me". Borderlines live in a constant fear of abandonment. If you do leave them, they are likely to harm themselves, then call the police and report that you tried to kill them. She told me she would kill herself if I left her. When I told her I wanted a divorce, she started a meticulous plot, with her attorney, to have me arrested for domestic violence and child sexual abuse. Luckily, I had the presence of mind to involve CPS early in our marriage, at a time when I realized she was becoming a danger to our child.
- Projection. A borderline will project their inadequacies, their dysfunction, onto you, making you the bad guy.
- Short, intense, unstable relationships. Early in their life, borderlines are rarely able to maintain intimate relationships. Before she met me, she had no relationships longer than six months. One of the signs I should have noted was that she could not say a single good thing about any of the men she had been in relationships with.
- Sense of entitlement. Borderlines have an extraordinary sense of entitlement as if the world owes them something, and that they don't have to earn their place in the world.
- Bizarre, paranoid delusions. Most people know of individuals who buy into all sorts of conspiracy theories, like the Obama birthers. But her paranoia, her delusions of persecution, were way beyond the limits of normal.
10 December, 2016
Hoping this Helps
So what is a borderline personality like it like? This is written by a man who was married for 10 years to a woman who was a BPD. This was the wife, but it can be the husband as well...