19 January, 2008

Does This Add Up?

In case you have missed this jewel in the news, Six Flags over Texas is seeking approval to begin selling alcohol inside the park. Of course you know once it is approved at one park, they will follow the same track at all of their parks, so even though I am not in Texas, this one concerns me.

I ask you: Does this make any sense at all?

First, the obvious: Consumption of alcohol and rides that spin, drop, accelerate to high speeds and stop on a dime, not to mention those that sling, fling and launch you... this just does not compute!

I can imagine the thrill of sitting behind some yo-yo who thought it would be cool to tip back a few Bud's while wolfing down a turkey leg before climbing on The Screaming Eagle or Batman. Suddenly riding these roller coasters has a new part to the adventure... ducking the junks this clown is hurling! Imagine the joy of riding Mr. Freeze and some guys puke hitting you in the face at 60 MPH. Yep, that's what would be happening... you can bank on it. And think of the joy of stepping in the piles of vomit that will liter the walk ways. Makes my day every time, for sure.

And let's not forget about adding a thrill of a few hundred slightly buzzed morons who want to show their intelligence and manhood in an over-crowded park of people standing in line for 90 minutes or more waiting for that next ride. Their will be fights, profanity, pushing and shoving and a host of other problems. Don't think it will happen? Walk into most any bar on a Friday or Saturday night. It happens at family birthday parties and barbeque's; you better believe it will happen at Six Flags.
Six Flags says they will promptly kick anyone out of the park who has too much to drink. Yeah, right. If a guy has two beers during the course of an 30 minute lunch, he is legally intoxicated, but this happens every day here in America in Pizza Hut and countless other lunch hangouts and they get back in their cars and drive to work. Nobody blinks at this. What makes you think that Six Flags is going to have the security to monitor how much someone drinks? They will get kicked out once they've made a scene or caused trouble... but by the the damage is done.
No, this one just does not make any sense at all... except for the owners who see a quick way to add more money to their profits. I suggest they look at the big picture, because if they do start selling alcohol in their parks, the "family" will be gone from the Family Theme Park, and before long their profits will begin to disappear and they will be begging the family man to bring his family back.

I cannot speak for anyone else, but if they make this change, I will never go back. That's a promise.

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