Lesson RE-Learned!

 Today I was at Planet Fitness walking on the treadmill when suddenly I realized that the man on the next treadmill was talking to me. He did not realize that I had my earbuds in listening to music and I could not hear him. I pulled one of my earbuds out and apologized and told him I had not heard him. He in turn apologized and said he did not want to bother me. I told him it was OK, pulled the other earbud out, and asked him to repeat what he had said. It took a little coaxing but he finally began talking about how hard it was getting back into the routine of exercising. I told him that I understood and explained that this was only my second day back to the gym myself after months of not going. He told me that it had been more than a year for him, and then explained that his wife had died from cancer last year and that he had all but given up but that he recently had made the decision that he must continue to live and getting back to the gym was one of his first steps. We talked for quite a while and then I excused myself as I was finished on the treadmill. He asked if I would mind if he came with me over to the 30 Minute Circuit. He had never used it before so I explained to him how to use the area and we talked the whole time we were in that section. Well... actually he did the majority of the talking, telling me about the adjustments he was learning to make since his wife's death. I went to the locker room and he came in behind me and he thanked me for "listening to an old man." The funny thing is that this man is only 6 years older than I am. When I told him that, he thanked me again and asked if maybe we could meet and talk again. I gave him my card and told him to call me any time. As I was walking away he called my name and when I turned around he thanked me again and said, "Since my wife left, no one has just listened to me. It really helped a lot." I was thinking about him tonight and I thought how sad it is that so many times we are trying to figure out what to say to someone when the reality is that we need to just be a listening ear to give validity to what is going on in their life. I've been away from the counselor's role for so long that I had forgotten that the secret to being a good counselor is not in the advice that we give, but is in fact the ability to give the counselee to permission and freedom to speak their heart.