07 September, 2016

When NOT to Say "I Do"

Over the years I've been in the ministry, there have been very few times I have refused to perform a marriage ceremony. Today was one of those days. I had a couple ask me recently to marry them so I scheduled time to talk with them, as I always do.  So, I met with this couple this morning and as we were talking I started picking up on something. The man was clearly being threatened and manipulated. He was changing this, changing that, promising this; because she threatened, "I can't be married to you if you don't do 'x,y,z'."  After about 35 minutes of this I asked him, "are you sure you want to marry this woman?" He said, "I'm making all these changes for her, ain't I?" So I asked him if he was willing to spend the rest of his life bowing down to her threats. Then I told them both; "You have no idea what love is." I told them that love is not expressed through threats, nor is love expressed by complying to threats. I told them that if they went forward with this marriage I gave them less than 2 years before he had enough and walked out. I thanked them for their time, wished them well and left them sitting in the restaurant where we met. 

I cannot imagine how anyone thinks this is love. If you are dating someone who uses threats of leaving you to control you... let them leave and thank God they are gone. If you are already married... then you'd better start standing up for yourself and learning to talk about issues rather than caving into the threats, or your marriage is doomed. If you are the person making such threats, you had  better figure out real quick how controlling you are being or you're going to make one threat to many and find yourself divorced. There is hope... but you both have to be willing to talk honestly about your feelings and most likely you are going to need counseling to keep this marriage intact. 

1 comment:

Darrell said...

I received a scathing email from someone about this one, telling me I know nothing, I'm an idiot and so on. The woman says that if the partner is not doing his best to improve himself, then it is grounds for divorce. First... show me that in the Word of God. Second, you stood at the altar and said, that you took him, "For better for worse, for richer or poorer." Let's go hypothetical... if the partner is injured in war, or a car accident, or has a stroke... then what you are saying is you have grounds for divorce. When you "take someone" in marriage, you take them just as they are, not how you want to make them!