01 May, 2015

Time For a New Fishing Hole

I was talking with someone yesterday who made the comment to me that they did not understand why they keep repeating the same mistake in their life over and over again. She said that in every relationship she had it always ended up with her  being alone with a broken heart. She said that said that the men in her life always seemed to be the same and do the same thing. After listening to her for awhile I finally told her that there was a reason that all of the men in her life were the same, and she said, "Yeah, because all men are the same!" I asked her if she really believed that and she said that she did. So I asked her why she had asked to talk with me and she said, "I guess I'm looking for hope and maybe someone to convince me that life can get better." So I named some men (including myself) and asked her if she felt that these men were like the ones she had dated. She very quickly said, "not at all!" So I said, "So... you are saying that all men are not the same then?" She kind of dropped her eyes and softly admitted that they were not. So I asked her this question; "If all men are not the same, why do you think it is that you keep ending up with guys who were exactly the same? I was a little shocked at her response as she said, "I guess because God keeps putting them into my life!" I sat there for a minute in silence, then finally said, "Do you mean to tell me that you believe God keeps putting you in relationships with men who are lying, cheating, abusive drunks?" She said, "Well the Bible says that every thing happens for a reason. God must have a lesson for me to learn." I asked her if she could show me that in the Bible. She said, "No, but you're the preacher, you show me where it is at!"  I told her that it was not in the Bible, but that she was right... everything does happen for a reason, and sometimes that reason is because we do some pretty dumb things and the Bible does say that we reap what we sow." She got a little agitated and asked me I was saying that it was her fault that these men acted the way they did. I told her that they were were responsible for their own actions and behavior, but that she was responsible for choosing to allow these men into her life. So she demanded to know where God was in all of this. I said, "I am SO glad you asked!"

For the next 40 minutes or so, my friend and I had a rather intense discussion, where I was told I was being judgemental... that I did not understand... that I was being a Bible thumper... but ended up with her admitting that I was right.  I asked her to make a list of all of the men that she had been with over the last six years. That took some time. When we were done with that, I asked her to write down next to each name where she had met them. Wonder of wonders, almost every one of them had been met either at a party or in a bar OR through someone else who she had met at a party or a bar. (This is where I was called judgemental.)  I simply asked, "Did you ever pray and ask God if you should date any of these men?" She thought that was silly. I said, "But you want to blame God for putting men in your life that are bad for you, yet you are not asking God to show you who you should date. Does anything seem wrong here to you?"  Then I asked her to be totally honest and tell me if she went to church or read her Bible anymore? (This is where I was called a Bible Thumper.")  I asked her if it did not seem odd to her that she wanted to blame God for the men in her life, when the fact of the matter was that she was no longer talking with God (other than a 'help me" prayer thrown up now and then) not reading His Word anymore and by her own admission, she had not been to church more than 3 times in the past year.  She told me that I did not understand, that life was really hectic and she did not have time to go to church, but that she still loved God. I asked her to pretend that she was married and her husband told her that life was hectic, that he did not have time to talk with her and only came to see her 3 times in a month. She said, "I'd be divorced real quick!"  So I told her that what she had just told me was that she was divorcing herself from God. Not that God was leaving her, but that she was leaving Him. I said that God was right where He had always been; that He had not moved, but she had. I said, if you want to have a different type of man in your life, you are going to need to approach this differently. I asked, "Do you think you will ever find a god fearing man, who was looking for a committed, life-long relationship at a party or a bar where people go with one thought on their mind?  She said, "That sounds pretty stupid hearing you say it that way."  I said, "There you go! There is a reason for everything... we do something stupid and we expect a good result from it. But we reap what we sow!" So we began to discuss how that if we want to find a man who does not drink, does not cheat and is committed, then it is pretty certain that the place to find such a man is not going into a bar where people are looking for someone to sleep with.  I said to her, "Imagine with me that I like eating fish. So I find an pond that has been neglected, polluted, smells and is bug infested. But it is just jumping with fish waiting to be caught. I catch and eat fish from there and it is not very good. How likely do you think I would be to go back to that pond next time I want a fish?"  She laughed at me, but I said that this was exactly what she was doing. I said that if you just like catching fish and are not interested in eating them, then the pond would be a great place to go because there is an abundance of fish waiting to be caught. But the fish there are no good for anything but catching and throwing back.  I said that rather than finding a new fishing hole, she keeps going back to the same hole that has diseased fish that are not good for taking home. I told her, "you need a new fishing hole!"  So I asked her where she might go to find a man who was looking for a committed relationship, interested in serving God and raising a family in a godly environment?  She said, "Duh... the church dummy!"  I said, "I rest my case."  It's time to find yourself a church and quit going back to the dirty, polluted and foul smelling fishing hole and go to a place where God has a man waiting for you, because that type of man will NEVER be found in the places where you've been hanging out. 

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