28 July, 2012

I'm Learning Lord

Lately I haven't been a happy camper. The problem is that I just have not been happy with myself. At times I tend to be pretty hard on myself. I'm the time of person that takes responsibility and blame for everything that goes on, especially with the church, even if I really had nothing to do with it. As a result, there are times I tend to beat myself up and it can leave me feeling a little hopeless. The truth is that when I get this way, I have allowed myself to become far too caught up with myself instead of thinking of others. (That's an eloquent way of saying that I was feeling sorry for myself.) Hopefully I'm not the only one that feels this way from time to time. Truth is, at this moment I feel that every aspect of my life isn't quite where I want it to be. Don't get me wrong, church attendance is very important, but the bottom line is, if there are 19 or 119 at church, they need the same love and effort given by their pastor.  I've come to realize that I've let unimportant things matter and forgotten about the things that should be important. I hate to admit it but I've lost humility, and it's brought me to feel despair and  lose hope. I feel so blessed to have this realization, and I'm grateful for the way it came. Truth is, this summer has hit my church very hard. Attendance has dropped, which correlates to a financial drop. It his us so hard that several weeks I've not taken my paycheck to keep the church current on all of its bills and obligations. Now, I'm not trying to sound pathetic, but when you give up several thousands of dollars of income to pay the church bills, it is easy to start losing focus and getting bitter. Still, it was this very thing that snapped me out of my funk. As I look back over the past couple months and the loss of income, I see God's miraculous provision in action. I cannot explain it. I'm not going to even try to pretend that it has not been tough. The fact is, its been scary at times. It's been stressful and there have been sleepless nights. And that's my point. Even in the times where my faith wavered, God proved himself faithful. It was seeing His incredible faithfulness that caused me to realize that I was so focused on myself that I was not even seeing what He was doing for my own family!

This post  may be lost on some, but to those who will receive it, let me speak into your life... God is faithful!  Faithful does not mean there will not be trouble and trials... but it means through it all, He is there, and He will always make a way where there seems to be no way. And all of this is causing me to refocus and to be happy with the person I am in Him! I am refocusing and becoming more determined than ever to fully find myself by losing myself in pointing other to Him! I have so much to be grateful for and I know it's important to remember that it all comes from the Lord! 


Anonymous said...

I cannot shout "AMEN!!!" loudly enough!

Anonymous said...

Oops! This was supposed to go on the most recent post!