22 March, 2012

I Am Blessed

Those that know me know that the past year of my life has been pretty rough on me physically. Last winter and spring I just was not feeling well and finally it was discovered that I had a 100% blockage to one of my main arteries to my heart. They were able to open it and place a stent in and I began feeling better immediately, but the rehab had to begin. About the time that I was getting up to speed physically, I began getting very sickly and weak again, and long story short, I was losing blood internally. It took awhile to figure out just what was going on, but they finally figured it out. By this time, my hemoglobin was very low, but the doctors wanted me to fight through it and rebuild my blood count on my own rather than give me a transfusion. While that was the best over all decision, it left me very weak and tired for nearly 4 months getting my strength back. Just as I was beginning to get back to normal and back in the swing of things, I recently found myself battling severe respiratory problems and once again weak and worn out. And I found myself getting weak in my faith. I've been frustrated, cranky and short tempered for the past couple of weeks.  I share all this, because I found myself beginning to give in and have a real pity party for myself. I've not said a lot about it, but I've thought it, and finally this past week I found myself complaining quite strongly to God.  Now the wonderful thing about God is that He doesn't lash out at us and punish us when we get like this... but he has a way of getting His point across to us. 

In the past few days, I've found myself sitting and talking or on the phone with people whose lives are in absolute chaos. I've dealt with 3 young people, all under the age of 20 who are in such pain that they've been at the point of nervous breakdown and suicidal. I'm not talking about someone just using that threat as a means of getting some attention, but young people who really are questioning is life worth the pain worth going through. I sat today and talked with one of them and I told them in all sincerity, that while in many ways young folks have advantages that we never had when I was her age, they also are faced with a mountain of stuff that has been thrown on them that I never had to deal with at 18 years old. I would not want to be that age again in this world we live in. I spoke with an old friend who at 51 years old finds himself alone, broke and unemployed and feeling no hope for the future. As I look at the news and see people's children vanishing and presumed dead... a gunman in France senselessly killing innocent children in the name of Allah... my problems seem a might small and I realize just how blessed I am. I received an email from a friend who is a pastor in Uganda and as he shared the trials and burdens and stress that he and his wife work under with the poverty stricken people there, I realize the feeble problems in my church are nothing compared to what he and hundreds of others contend with on a daily basis. After talking with Robert about Uganda, I was looking at pictures on the internet of the people there and other places and I ran across the picture above and the thought hit me, "and you think YOU have it bad?" It prompted me to write that question, "Walked a mile in your brother's shoes lately?"  Kind of puts it all in perspective, doesn't it? 

Yes, it's been a struggle... but I'm blessed. Sick, but I've got a good doctor and medicines available to me. Been a rough year... but I've survived. Took a hit financially this past year... but we've made it and not really suffered at all. I'm blessed!  Forgive me Lord for my stinking attitude and THANK YOU for your patience, love and understanding. You have been SO good to me!

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