A New Chapter

A couple of hours ago, my little girl, Ashley graduated from high school. She will be going for her college orientation later this week and then in just a few weeks, she will be moving to Edwardsville to attend SIU-E. It has hit me hard this weekend, my life and my wife's life are about to take a major and sudden shift. For the past 21 years, our lives have been largely shaped by raising our 2 kids. From feeding and diapers, to ballgames and concerts, and all sorts of activities and responsibilities, life has been about the kids. But Daniel will be 21 in July and Ashley 18 next month, and both are stretching their wings and flying on their own. While they will still "need" us, it's not going to be like it was. Suddenly, after a 21 year hiatus, life is going to transition back to the two of us. In many ways, I look forward to it. Yet in many ways, I'm saddened by the thought that my kids are not going to be "kids" any more, and that is a real jolt to my system. While in some respects, they would say they will always "need" dad... the truth is, they don't need me any more. At least not the way I am used to. There was a time when I was their hero, and there was nothing that dad could not do in their eyes. I'll miss that. Still, there is a new relationship growing between us... are more "real" relationship... and I cherish that. Change is in the air.  I have to say, I already am enjoying the fact that my wife and I have already begun rediscovering that loose type "freedom" that comes with the growing of the kids. It's nice to be able to just go and not worry about where the kids are, or having to be home in time for them to be home. I remember those long ago days when on a whim we would throw a suitcase in the car and just go. Things like that will be welcomed back! But I'm going to miss being "super-dad" in the eyes of my kids. 
But such is life.

What is a Shepherd to Do?

One of the most frustrating things of being a Pastor is watching people fall away from church and serving God. Some, we see do the same thing, the same cycle, if you will, over and over again. They come to church for awhile, get on fire for God and they attend church regularly, they announce to everyone how "real" it is this time, that they are done with that old way... time to make new friends, say good bye to those who have been a part of dragging them down... and so on. They mean well. They really want to serve God. But they want to do it their way. They think "once they've become stronger" they can go back to those old friends, those old activities... and stay on fire for God. But it cannot be done. And as their Pastor, when you try to warn them and tell them that you see them heading down that same old path again, they usually get mad... or at least blow off the warnings. They "know better."  It is "different this time."  But they are fooling no one but themselves. I think of one person that for the last few years, I've told them "every time you start (this activity) and hang with (a person) it is only a matter of time before you are drifting away from God, shirking your responsibilities, missing church, stop reading your Bible and you end up far away from God." And every time I give this warning, I get attitude, ignored and treated like I being judgmental.
Hello? Shepherd tending to his flock, trying to keep them from wandering off where they become easy prey to the wolves of the world? Is not this what a good shepherd does? But over and over again, the advice is ignored and all I can do is wait until the next crash and burn. There is simply nothing else that a Pastor can do.
It hurts. 
It hurts to be ignored when you see the danger coming.
It hurts to watch one you love turn their back on you and the God they swore they'd serve with reckless abandon... once again to go their own way, thinking they have it all figured out and this time they can manage it all better. But you know how the outcome will be. In fact, after every cycle and crash, they admit that deep inside they know that the friend and activity is a hindrance to the spiritual life, and they they must let go of these things. Yet a few months later.. there they go again.
What is that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result!
As pastor, all you can do is pray and hope they come to their senses before this crash is bigger or worse than the last.

I get so tired of sitting with people after the crash and listening to their stories of pain and tragedy. 
I'm tired of comforting the broken hearted teen girl who once again lost her way and gave her self to another boy who promised their love would be forever... but it wasn't.
I'm tired of counseling couples whose marriage is now on the rocks... when I warned them that I saw it coming when they started laying out of church and making poor choices. 
I'm tired of the mothers of kids calling me to tell me their daughter is pregnant or their son has gotten someone pregnant, when I warned them long before that they were allowing their kids to go down the wrong path.


Why is it that the same ones who maligned you and talked evil of you (as pastor) suddenly want you and your advice when the world comes crashing down on them?


We are idiots, know it all's, got big noses, haters and names I will not repeat here when we warn them that they are heading the wrong way. Yet we are the first to be contacted when all Hell breaks lose in their homes and families.


Yet, once again... I am forced to sit back and watch one of my sheep start down that path which leads to the same cycle of destruction... and in anger, we are told how wrong we are... and all I can do I cry and pray for protection.


I hope I am wrong. But I know the path of righteousness... and that's not it.

Who Are You?

I've been preaching a series of messages entitled, "Don't Let Satan Steal Your Fries" for several weeks now, and I'm preaching part 2 tomorrow on our identity. Understanding and standing in the knowledge of who we are is crucial to our walk with the Lord.
Today as I am praying and preparing for tomorrow's service, an old song from my early days as a Christian keeps running in my mind. I've searched everywhere and thus far have not been able to come up with a mp3 or video of the song, but it was called, "To Live Is Christ" performed by Steve Fry. The song speaks volumes for me personally. Long ago, I came to the realization that salvation meant that I died to myself... that my life is no longer my own and "who I am" is defined by the person of Jesus Christ. No, I'm not perfect, but I'm striving to yield my life more and more to the hands of the Master Potter, that I my be molded into the image of His Son. Self still rises up, but all in all, for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Only in this type of surrender can I find the willingness to go where I really did not want to go... because it's His will, not mine. At the end of my life, I truly hope that when people look at my life, those that remain will say of me, "He glorified Christ."

Here are the words to that song:

To live is Christ and to die is gain
There is no other life that I desire to claim
Than the life that's dead that I might live again
No more in self to pride, for I have died
And to live is Christ, and to live is Christ
For I've been crucified, and to live is Christ

And my single thought is just to hear Your voice
For this I have been bought, to make my Lord rejoice
And if all I do is bring joy to You
Then let my life be poured, an offering to the Lord
And to live is Christ, and to live is Christ
For I've been crucified, and to live is Christ

Let my life be a fountain of Your blessing
Let my life be a fragrant sacrifice
That the hurt and bruised may know the God that loves them so
Forever let my prayer be 

To live is Christ and to die is gain
There is no other life that I desire to claim
Than the life that's dead that I might live again
No more in self to pride, for I have died
And to live is Christ, and to live is Christ
For I've been crucified, and to live is Christ

Secret Pain

I actually went to be really early tonight (by my terms anyway) but only slept for maybe 45 minutes at the most. I had a dream that shook me badly, and I cannot shake it. I won't go into any detail, other than to say that the dream was about someone that I know and love dearly and in the dream, I saw this person standing before a full length mirror and taking a broken bottle and cutting herself all over her body... on her head, face, arms... everywhere. And I heard her say to herself as she looked in the mirror, "No one really knows you." 

Now I do not believe this young lady actually cuts herself, but I think this was a metaphorical dream. It so happens I've had other dreams about her in the past that were dead on the money with where she was and what she was contending with. And it troubles me deeply that it is after midnight and I cannot contact her and know she is OK. So I pray right now, "Lord Jesus, please watch over her and keep your hand on her and let her know that she is loved... just as she is. Protect her and wrap your arms around her Lord."  The great thing is, she knows Jesus, and I believe she will know his presence as he enters her room tonight.
The other thing that bothers me... is there are hundreds, if not thousands of young ladies (men too) who could read this, and think it was about them. There are so many walking around with a painted on smile on their face but on the inside, there is pain and loneliness. "God, touch them all tonight."

The Last Mile of the Way

I was just getting ready to shut it down for the night and go to bed when I found myself sitting and thinking about my youth, sitting in church... and I got to thinking about some of the wonderful folks that I have been blessed to have been raised around. They left such a wonderful heritage for me and so many others. I did not always appreciate them the way I should have back then, but the older I get, I find myself so thankful for the things they taught me by precept and example. Folks in the old East Alton-Bethalto Church of God who showed me how to serve God, by walking it out before me. I find myself loving them now, years after their deaths than I did back in those days. As I was siting here thinking, I remember so vividly Bertha Wallace and Gene Cox singing a song in that old Pence Avenue Church... I swear I can see and hear them right now... singing, "The Last Mile of the Way."
Neither of them were trained musicians or singers, but, oh my, when these "old timers" sang it, ... well, like I said, I can hear it in my head right now, and that had to be about 1972.

I thank God for my heritage. And I thank God that He allows me to hold those memories so clearly that I can here them as they sing...

    If I walk in the pathway of duty,
    If I work till the close of the day,
    I shall see the great King in His beauty,
    When I’ve gone the last mile of the way.

        Refrain:
        When I’ve gone the last mile of the way,
        I will rest at the close of the day;
        And I know there are joys that await me,
        When I’ve gone the last mile of the way.

    If for Christ I proclaim the glad story,
    If I seek for His sheep gone astray,
    I am sure He will show me His glory,
    When I’ve gone the last mile of the way.

    Here the dearest of ties we must sever,
    Tears of sorrow are seen every day;
    But no sickness, no sighing forever,
    When I’ve gone the last mile of the way.

    And if here I have earnestly striven,
    And have tried all His will to obey,
    ’Twill enhance all the rapture of heaven,
    When I’ve gone the last mile of the way.

What's Your Reason For Being A Christian

It's been one of those days that I have not really gotten much done, but that's OK. I've had a steady parade of folks stopping into the office just to chat. I'm not complaining... in fact, I've enjoyed it. Every now and then it's nice to have some time to just catch up with folks. Anyway, just a few minutes ago someone stopped in for few minutes and they asked me what my reason for being a Christian was. The question kind of caught me off guard at first, and they asked me, "Is it so you don't go to Hell, or is there more too it than that?" You know, that really is a good question. I wonder, if people were honest, how they would answer that question. I'd dare say that the vast majority of folks would either say that their reason was to not go to Hell, or conversely, so that they could go to Heaven. My response really floored the person asking me.  I told them that if there was no Heaven nor Hell, I'd still be a follower of Jesus, that the life I have found in serving Him is reward enough for me.  That gave me a great opportunity to share my faith and how it helps guide and shape my life each and every day. That peaked their interest and I now have an appointment with them tomorrow to discuss this further. 


So, how about asking yourself that question: "What is your reason for being a Christian?"

Give A Listen to This Man

While it is still very early in the 2012 Presidential Campaign and I have not made up my mind conclusively, I REALLY like what I am seeing and hearing from Herman Cain. Give him a listen. Check out his website and read his pamphlet on what he believes, where he stands. One thing I really like is he says candidly, "I don't have all the answers; but I know the right questions to ask."  Give him a listen and let me know what your thoughts are.
 

Is Satan REALLY Afraid of Us?

Just a thought I've been dwelling on all day. People often say that Satan fears the Christian, especially one who is "on fire." I wonder... where do we get that? OK, there is a scripture that says one can put a thousand to flight, and two ten thousand. But is that referencing Satan?  Here's where the thought gets interesting. When Jesus came out of the wilderness and 40 days of fasting, he was still Jesus.... right? In fact, fasting draws us into closer relationship with God... so... what does Satan do? He comes face to face with Jesus and tempts him! He did not run away. You have to understand, we are dealing with an enemy who was given dominion over the earth when Adam and Eve sinned. He has a right... and is up to us to use the Word of God and the Holy Spirit to take back what he has stolen. But he is NOT afraid of us. He actually thinks he is going to win this battle. This is why we are to put on the whole armor of God and be soberly alert at all times because his fiery darts are going to be coming at us. It's not like he is hiding behind a rock or a tree. He's in this fight for real... and he is serious!  Are we?  We'd better be!

"I Don't Even Know How to Pray"

I was chatting (actually, texting)  a little while ago with someone who is facing perhaps the darkest storm in her young life. This person is not saved, and to the best of my knowledge has never been involved in church at all. I mention it, because I find it peculiar that she has sought me out to talk with and ask for advice. I never had met her until just a few weeks ago... so why me?  I asked her that question, why it was me that she was seeking counsel and advice from. She could not really give me an answer, so I told her, that what had drawn her to me was the Christ she saw and felt in me. She said she just knew that she needed help and that I knew how to get in touch with God. I told her that she could talk to God just as easily as I could and she responded, "But I don't even know how to pray." She asked me if I could just pray for her. I told that I was in fact praying on her behalf and have been for weeks, but that she needed to pray and talk to God for herself. She said something interesting... that she did not know the "right language" or what to say to get God's attention.

I'm not going to finish our discussion here... but I wanted to share this. I wonder, how many people out there think there has to be "the right words" to get God's attention? I wonder if they think it is like a formula that you must say, and if you did, THEN God might hear and answer. Once again, I'm reminded that we (the church) are failing at reaching this world. They don't understand at all. They think it is like some secret club where we learn code language by which we communicate with God. That breaks my heart. 

Quick Update

Anyone who follows my blog can tell that I'm still just not in the flow of things since my heart scare and having the stent placement in my artery. As I reported in my last update, my doctor tells me that what I'm going through now is normal, but is it still so frustrating in so many aspects. Mentally, I'm still not a sharp as I need to be. Still struggling to recall names and details. Sermon prep is proving to be hard because I just can't pull it together. But, I am seeing some improvement with this. My biggest hurdle right now is that the energy just is not there for me. That too, is improving... but SLOWLY. I'm able to walk quite a bit further now that I was a week ago, but by the time I've walked 5 or 6 blocks, I'm feeling it and ready to call it done. On the plus side, I am sleeping more. It's not uncommon for me to sleep 8 or 9 hours for me, which is nearly twice what I slept before the surgery. And often times, I am needing a short nap toward evening.  It seems like I have one or two good days and then a bad one. By a bad day, I mean that I just feel sluggish and "in a funk."  I'll certainly be glad when that stops. One of the hardest parts to adjust to for me is that I have these odd feelings in my chest. I've talked to the nurse in my doctors office and I've been reading a lot, and apparently this is "normal" after having a stent, but it freaks me out. I asked the nurse, "if it is normal to have these odd feelings and pains, then how do I know when to be concerned about them?"  She did not have a good answer that... and that concerns me. 

A real positive is that I've already lost 11.5 pounds since having my surgery. I still have another 15.5 to go before I reach my goal, but I'm close to halfway there, and I gave myself till the end of the year to lose it, so I am feeling really good about that aspect.  My primary goal right now is to build my strength back to where I can do a bit more exercise. I have been stunned at just how weak I feel... but again, they tell me that this is normal at this point. Guess I just need to learn patience.

A "Dude!" Moment

Every now and then, something is said or written that makes me stop and go, "DUDE!"  

This morning was one of those times. (And no, it was not about Bin Laden's death.) No, I was browsing the net and saw where someone penned these words:

"What if your prayers were published?
That’s a fascinating (and slightly scary) thought, isn’t it? What if every prayer you prayed, word for word, somehow ended up on the Internet so that anyone, anywhere could read them? Would your prayers be worth reading if they were published? And would they qualify for the pages of Holy Scripture or would they be fit for the National Enquirer? 

If prayer is the language of the heart, what is your heart saying?"

I'm telling you... That is a thought provoking question.
I was actually going to write about this, but after posting it here, I think it best to let it stand on it's own and let each think this one out for themselves. I think I'll wait and post my thoughts on this later today and leave each of us to chew on this one for awhile...

"If prayer is the language of the heart, what is your heart saying?"