Those who are closest to me know that for the last several weeks, actually for a couple of months, I have been under tremendous stress and strain as attacks have come my way. I will be honest enough to say that even though I know I've been doing the right thing, I've wondered if it would not be the best thing to just pack up ship and move on. Physically, emotionally and spiritually, I have just been absolutely give out. As if the attacks are not enough, financially, our church has really struggled and we just can't seem to get caught up. I've shared openly from the pulpit as well as privately with people where we are, and while most of the church is faithful, there is still enough of those who attend who are so hit and miss with their attendance and with their giving, we are slipping further and further into the hole. People say things like they understand, they are praying for me as well as the church, but then they miss week after week after week and when they are gone, so is their giving, and they never consider how that impacts the church, nor my family. I'm not asking for sympathy, and just telling it like it is. I've seriously considered that maybe it was time to move on because it is not worth the stress and strain to battle the attacks from the legalistic crowd, or those who think I should be there every time they call out my name, even though they seldom show up to church... and at the same time, watch the giving go down which means I give up part of my salary, or my retirement is not paid, we stay behind in bills and guess who deals with all the stress and strain?
Yeah... I've been seriously thinking, come Spring time, I am out of this place.
Yet in my heart, I have known that to move would take me completely out of the Lord's will for my life. Let's just sum it up to say that I have been battle worn and weary for quite some time.
Then today... out of the blue, I received an email from a dear Brother in Christ who pastor's in Berlin, Germany. He said that the Lord spoke to him and told me to send the following message to me. I'm telling you... that's just the way my God is!
(As much as possible, I will leave this as Pastor Matutis sent it, however there are some needs to explain his translation. His English is pretty good, yet still limited. After 8+ years of corresponding with him, I know what he means.)
Hi, this morning the Lord said to me, that I shall send these words to you .
So say the Lord: "You are valuable in my eyes."
...You have around you many resistances. These must be.
Dont fear the difficulties. Everything which happend with you in the last
days , is from me certified. They shake you, but they cannot wear anything to
you. Storms pass. They remain not for a long time. They do not have to be
continuing strength (remain strong) over your life. And they heave also no right over you.
I the Lord , I am allways still stronger, than all your storms.
Look on me - and dont look on your storms.
Understand my language - understand my acting - understand my ways - and
understand my word. Around you is goin on an embittered fight in the
invisible world. But my child I argues (fight) for you. The decision is led here by
me, say the Lord. My hand will help you.
The Lord continues to say: Let not by disturb you from (Do not be disturbed by) your brothers and sisters or your colleagues.
Let not remove you through them from your order and your high appointment,
say the Lord. (Don't let their words/actions cause you to be removed from your assigned appointment.) I began the good work in you and I want it to also achieve.
Do not let you lead from the blind ones. (Don't be lead astray by the blinded ones)
They do not have notion, which I intend with you.
They do not understand my ways with you.
I do not have wrong thoughts with you. My Child - have no fear to be alone.
Recover the confidence to (in) me again.
Trust me like a child trust to her mother.
I will provide for you your right. I bring the unfinished things of your life
to the completion.
Recognize your appointment and your task.
Make clear decisions - dont make compromise.
Do not let bind you by your sadness (Don't be bound by your sadness) - your concerns and fears.
Do not live in the suction of the difficulties, come to me, come out
and separate you from them and stay in my holy spirit, say the Lord.
My child: You fight mean fight - you are located in my work.
If you talk - then talk in my name.
Experience your resurrection, and your Comeback.
The best still lies before you. Look for the community of the holy ones -
here you will draw strength for the day - here will get your soul refreshes.
I am completely close to you - the Lord speaks.
You do not see me - but however I see you.
You do not feel me - but however I feel you.
You do not hear me - but however I hear you.
You do not understand me - but however I understand you.
I participate in your suffering, say the Lord.
I was exactly in the same condemned and situation like you are.
They ignored me - they rejected me, and they spread out lies aboud me...
I understand your pain.
I remain with you.
I experienced the isolation.
I was left by all my friends.
I can understand you very well, say the Lord.
I identify me - with you. My Child - I am with you.
You will win your fight - no matter how the match (flame) goes out.
Your life is programmed on victory. Everything serves to your profit.
I provide for it, say the Lord
The difficulties, which you have still today, will be miracles for you
tomorrow. Locked doors will open you.
I pray for you that your faith does not stop.
God bless You
Pastor Joh.W.Matutis
3 comments:
Shawn & I read this last night before church, and Pastor, Bro. Matutis is right on! There's a reason attacks happen...it's because of what God is getting ready to do.
I know it has to be extremely hard to be Pastor (& family) - for you hear "it all"...good, bad or ugly. Just remember, you have folks behind you who are lifting you up in prayer...we are your army, and will fight the good fight with you!
We Love you & your family...
Some years back in my ministry, I decided, "I don't have to take it anymore. I don't have to put up with this." I resigned my church and got a job. Made more money than I had ever made in my life. I got slack in church, and cold spiritually. That lasted about four years. During that time God brought me from the high, enjoyable side of selfishness to a very low pit. I finally cried out to God in all sincerity and said, "God, please help me and show me how to get out of this mess that I got myself into. I'll go where you want me to go, I'll do what you want me to do, I'll say what you want me to say and I'll be what you want me to be." He helped me and opened my eyes and heart to 2 Timothy like I'd never seen it before. I'll try to sum up what God was telling me as I listened to it on tape and read it over and over. Basically, He said, "There will be troubles in the ministry. People will mistreat you and misunderstand you, but I love them. I want you to be strong and tell them that I love them." He reassured me that He would be with me and I have never looked back. I have retired, but my philosophy is that God loves all the people and He is counting on us to tell them. Be strong in the Lord and don't ever doubt Him. May God bless you!
Man, let me tell you something brother, I am not a pastor but I feel your pain. This won't sound very spiritual to you but I am betting that God doesn't care so much if you are a pastor or not. Paul made tents for a living but it didn't interfere with his mission. I appraise real estate for a living but I am a full time servant. The main thing is to take care of your family. Church members come and go but in God's opinion your family comes first.
The cross hurts don't it? Blessings to you brother.
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