Stupid Headlines

I, like I am sure many of you, get so tired of all the stuff that get's forwarded to my email box. Seems like the same stuff just has made the rounds now for the 10 years I have been using the Internet. I very seldom forward anything, and if I do, I will usually copy and paste it so as to not send any viruses and to reduce the clutter. Truthfully, I don't open 95% of the forwards I receive, unless they are from family or very close friends.
Some have gotten mad at me for not forwarding or replying to those things, but I value my computer too much to open all that junk and run the risk of another virus.

Aside from all that, I received an email this morning from a friend I used to work with in Mt. Vernon, and it gave me a little chuckle to start the day, and I thought there may be others of you who could use a little humor too.

These are supposed to be actual headlines from newspapers from around the world.
I have no idea if they are real or not, but either way, they are funny.
Enjoy! (While you have a cup of coffee Neil)

Doesn't anyone proof read anymore ???


THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[ That'll stop 'em. ]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!! ]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges !
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger
Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead