23 September, 2005

Well, the test was not so good

I had to take a stress test today, and to put it in the words of the doctor, "If I were a teacher and I was grading your paper, I would give it an F." Thanks for being so subtle doc! He actually said I did very well on the test until the last push at the end. When they did the last excelleration for the final 2 minutes, my EKG went very abnormal and they had to stop the test. Ironically, I felt no chest pain at all. I did get very short of breath and very sweaty. The doctor said that I am at high risk for a heart attack and need to be very careful until they can schedule the next step. He also said that I am lucky, because I recognized the symptoms and went to the ER last week, prior to having an attack, so there should be no damage to my heart. So, I guess I am blessed and I thank God that this was found now, in this way, rather than through something life threatening.

It is funny the thoughts that go through your mind when they tell you this kind of stuff. Suddenly it becomes so real just how fragile we are and that any given moment it could be our last. I started thinking about my wife, and even though she was at school, I wanted to just hear her voice and I called her. I got to thinking about my kids, and I thought no matter what I have to do and what I have to change, I will do it, because I don't want them growing up with the pain of not having dad around like I did. I can't wait to pick them up from school today, just so I can hold them tight and tell them how much I love them. All of a sudden the towel left in the dining room and the chips bag and can candy wrappers in the living room don't matter anymore. Funny how quickly values can change! A rush of thoughts about my brothers and sisters hit me. Do I tell them right now? One of my brothers is such a worrier, I don't know if I want to tell him. And my sister is going through so much stress right now... do I want to dump more on her right now? Decisions, decisions.
And what about my church? Should I even preach this weekend? Guess I need to call the doctor about that. But you know the neatest thing about it all? I would not say I am really worried about it. Yeah, I think about it, but I know who my God is, and I know I will be okay. I am sitting here wondering, "What would I do right now if it were not for Jesus?" I am so glad that I know him, and that my soul is at rest, and in times like this, he breathes that peace that surpasses all understanding into my life.


Sarah said...

I'd like to have encouraging words for you but I haven't anything that profound. All I can say is Keep on Keeping On. We say that around my house a lot. It helps remind me that no matter what is thrown my way I've gotta keep going and not bottom out in despair. Also, even though this sometimes sounds redundant, I am continuing to pray for you, your health, and your family.

libby garrett said...

I have a favorite movie in which there is a line which states, "Paris is always a good idea." Well if I could borrow that line and have the liberty to adjust it a little I would say to you, Sarah, "Prayer is always a good idea!" Thank you.

Travis Johnson said...


I just know you from Acts. From there, I have grown to know you from a distance. Well, from a distance I'll pray. I guess myself and a host of others are praying in different places and at the same place all at once.

I think the throne room is full of your friends, church, and family...all lifting you up to the Lord right now.

Blessings to you...expecting a good report.