28 February, 2018

It's Funny How Life Changes

Most of those who really know me know that in my younger days, I spent the majority of my time hopped up on pills or pot or Southern Comfort... usually all of them at the same time. As a matter of fact, I can remember a particular time when I decided to prove to myself that I really could "quit anytime I wanted" (as I often told people who voiced concerns about my being addicted) so I decided to not drink or use any drugs for 2 weeks. I made a bet that I could make it with a guy who worked in the steel mill with me.  The deal was that beginning on Friday, there would be no "chemical assistance" until two weeks later on Friday. I made it "fairly well" through Friday, but by Saturday, I was coming unglued. I could not even focus my thoughts and an attempt to hold down a conversation with one of my relatives Saturday night pushed me over the edge as I could not gather my thoughts and my temper was explosive. I remember literally running from their house and jumping in my car and going to the nearest bar to get hammered. From that point on, I knew that staying sober was just not an option for me. Life continued like that for a few more years before I surrendered my life to Christ and sobriety became a way of life.

Why do I bring this up? Well, I've had back spasms pretty much nonstop for a couple of weeks, and I finally gave up and called my doctor and he ordered me a prescription for muscle relaxers. I know that many would question why I'd suffer for more than two weeks before calling my doctor to get some relief. The things is, I now HATE any semblance of being "out of control" and cannot stand to use medications for pain and/or muscle spasms because I sense that I am not fully in control of my mind or my body. The same body that used to crave and depend on that "escape" now cannot cope with it. I had to use those muscle relaxers yesterday and today, while my back is a lot better, the rest of me is completely out of sync. I feel weak and like my head is foggy. I find myself sitting here wondering just how in the world did I function in life feeling like this for all of those years. What in the world was I thinking? I'm so glad that I've been set free from that way of life. 

1 comment:

June said...

Thankful for the new life you found in Christ all those years ago. Praying your back is healed.