09 May, 2015

There Comes a Time to Grow Up

Over that past few months I've watched the marriages of three different couples that I know deteriorate due to very similar circumstances. Two of those couples are now separated, and it appears they will divorce and the third couple is teetering at that point right now and if something drastic does not happen, I fear they will be divorced as well. The similarities are so unbelievable that it sounds made up. All three of these couples have been married less than 3 years. None of them are what I'd call "kids". Two of them had lived together for years and have children together. All all three cases, in my opinion, they were passionately in love with each other when they got married. In reality, I think in each case, they still do love each other, but the wounds are so deep, it will take a miracle to heal them. The sad, common denominator in the three cases is that in each one, the husband's running with his friends and drinking is the primary cause for their trouble. I personally have spoken with all three of these men and warned them that when a man gets married and especially when he has children, then it is time for the running around with the "buds" and partying is over. That behavior is childish and self-centered at best. The problem is pretty common, as men tend to go through a period of not wanting to let go of their youth, youthful friends and behavior. A man needs to wake up and realize that when you ask a woman to marry you, you are putting your running and partying days behind you. Your responsibility is at home. That woman you took to be your wife is supposed to be the center of your life... not crammed over in the corner waiting at home for you if and when you decide to favor her with a bit of your time. 

All three of these men are great guys. I mean absolutely super guys... as long as they are not drinking. But all three, when they begin drinking become 17 again and behave accordingly. None of them want to accept the fallout for their behavior. They all blame their wives for being "nags". I'm being nice because they use far worse names. But guys... you are my friends... and I'm telling you that you are all wrong. You are idiots, because you are about to lose someone who loves you dearly and who thought you hung the moon and the stars. I've watched all three of you on your wedding days and seen the magical looks they gave you. And you are all three making the same mistake of choosing your drinking and drunken friends over someone who would give their life for you. You are making it really hard for them to find a reason to stay married to you. Get mad at me if you want to... but I care enough for each of you that I'm willing to risk losing your friendship if I can help save your marriage. Wake up before it is too late. If you are one of the two where she has already left you... it's not too late. Beg her if you have to, but more importantly you are going to have to change, change fast and most importantly, change permanently. I've spoke to each of you and your wives and told you that unless and until you make Christ the foundation of your marriage, you are doomed to fail. 

My friends... do something now... before you all lose the best part of you.

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