01 December, 2010

Some Things Never Leave Your Mind

I look at the calendar, see that tomorrow is December 2 and in an instant, I am transported to December 2, 1979. That date is ingrained in my brain. This was the height of disco mania, and I had been partying hard for several days in a row with no sleep, going on cocaine and amphetamines and drinking heavy. I knew I had to come down  and get some sleep because I had to get back to work the next day, after having 4 days off, so I took several quaaludes and  tried to go to sleep. The chemical mixture in my body had other ideas, as soon my heart was pounding so hard that I thought it was going to come right through my chest. My brother, who was going through a divorce at the time was staying at my house and was asleep on the couch, and I went in and woke him up and told him that I thought I was going to die. He talked with me for a few minutes and took my pulse and decided he had better call an ambulance. They rushed me to the ER and I was hospitalized. I spent  the entire month of December in the hospital. I basically had damaged a valve in my heart, something I still deal with today... but the reason they kept me so long is that they were convinced that I had attempted suicide because of the massive amount of drugs in my system. I was never able to convince them that it was not a suicide attempt, which is why they kept refusing to release me from the psych unit. I finally told the shrink that I had in fact attempted suicide but that I was no longer suicidal and that I regretted my attempt. That did the trick and they let me go home 3 days later, on January 5. I never could figure that one out, because I had been so suicidal at that point, had been hospitalized several times, and I never denied that fact, but on this one, they refused to believe that it was an accident.  At any rate, every year when December 2 rolls around, I kind of do a flash back in my mind and remember, first and foremost, that I am lucky to be here... and I thank God for the transformed life I now have. Sometimes it is really hard to believe that I actually lived that life. It almost seems like something I saw in a movie or read in a book. 
That old me is long gone... thank you Jesus!


NicoleSkysFamily said...

I like this story. Not only because it's a 'real life' situation but also because it's inspirational. So glad that you are still here today.

jack69 said...

Very good and timely entry. I have copied it for my son.

Please remember him in prayer, his name is Mark.

We are here to help him as he tries to sell his house. He owns two and a construction company, but his habit is taking him down.

He was once active in church and served the Lord. He is trying now, this week has been pretty good.
Thanks brother for posting.

Darrell said...

Jack, I will be praying for Mark. The struggle with addictions is deeper than those who have not been there can understand. Having read this blog entry, one would think that this was the point of my "turn around". It was not. A year and 15 days after this, I found myself in jail (a common thing for me) but this time in serious trouble. It cost me 3 years of my freedom. Thankfully, at that point, before going to prison is where I found Jesus. I'm sure as a father, you've cried many a tear and prayed many prayers. One thing I know, Jesus can reach him, and only Jesus can make that change complete. I will hold Mark up in my prayers until I hear from you that he has "come home."