12 November, 2010

Do You You Hear Their Silent Screams?

I'm walking through a very different place with God right now. It's pretty difficult to explain this exactly... I mean, I'm excited because I know this is God taking me down a new path or leg of this journey, yet at the same time, it is almost more weight than I can bear. It began last Sunday morning, very early. I felt something stirring within me... and it was strange. I knew it was the Holy Spirit prompting me... preparing me... yet I was a bit unclear as to what it was that I was being prepared for. I walked into the bathroom while my wife was brushing her teeth and I tried to explain to her what I was feeling, but I could not find the words. I threw up my fists in a fighting position, such a a boxer, and I told her, "this is what I'm feeling in my spirit."  Later that morning as our praise team was preparing to practice, I tried to share what I was feeling, but still the words were not there. I again threw up my hands into the fighting position and told them, "a battle's coming, and I need prayer."  That morning, I just kept feeling this "fight" coming on. I did not preach Sunday morning, and while John Baker was preaching, it suddenly became clear that the fight was on, and it was with a spirit of depression that was attacking. At the end of the service, I got up and said that in the past week there were several in the church that had been attacked by depression and that it was time to do battle. I did not count, but at least 5 or 6 came to the altar and we prayed and took authority over that spirit of depression. I felt a tremendous shifting, but I knew the battle was just beginning. I just did not know how it was going to take place... and this is where my strange new journey began.

Before I even walked out of that service Sunday morning, someone came to me and told me that a loved one was battling depression, and asked if I would pray for them. Later that day, my phone rang and it was someone very depressed. The next morning, by 8:00 AM my phone was ringing with someone who was suicidal.  It has been this way all week. I do not know how to explain this... but I can see depression. I don't mean seeing the obvious, when someone's head is down, and moping. I can "see" depression in the spirit.  I've even dreamed twice this week of people, neither of them all that close to me, and I saw the spirit of depression on them, and when I have contacted those individuals, they were in fact fighting depression. I was walking through the coffee shop earlier this week, and as I went by someone, I could feel it. I passed by at first, but then returned back to them and simply said, "God see's your hidden tears and silent cry and he said to tell you that you are not alone and he loves you."  The woman's face just lit up and she thanked me for obeying God. It has been this way all week. And the thing is, I cannot keep from crying. Not a "boo hoo, woe is me" type cry, but gently, tears just keep flowing. We were at Olivet Nazarene University yesterday, and briefly got to see one of Ashley's friends. I could feel and see the depression on her. I did not say anything to her, and I have kicked myself ever since. She is in the middle of a college campus, surrounded by people, but obviously alone in her suffering right now. It happened again today. My son and I went downtown for lunch and as we came out of Q's, I saw 2 women walking down the street, and although this woman was smiling as she chatted with her friend, in my spirit, I saw the "shadow" of depression all over her. 

I'll be honest... I don't know exactly what it is God is doing. I don't know if he is going to use me to set some people free... if he is simply wanting me to talk to people... I just don't know. But my "fists are up" in the spirit. I don't think this is a defensive posture thing... I think the Holy Spirit is getting ready to release a flow that is going to set people free all over this county.  

All I can say is, "GET READY!"

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