07 June, 2010

I'm Back...

I have not posted for awhile, and even when I did post, it was videos. I've been extremely busy... and stressed... and just did not feel like I had anything to share. Anyone else ever just reach the place where you feel like you are empty? Life has been really hectic for the past month. Things that had to be dealt with "on schedule" and no room to rearrange things... and in the midst of all this, there were several situations where people needed help immediately and time was limited. Honestly, I've had some situations where I've tried to help people and no matter how I tried, no matter what counsel or advice I gave, my efforts had little or no positive effect, and I was beginning to feel quite useless and a failure. This was compounded because I really had no "down time" to "recharge the batteries." And in case you don't know it, that is when Satan comes at us with his most fierce attacks. Physically, I've really not felt well for more than a month. I have arthritis in some of my fingers, my wrist, shoulder and knees. I've battled extreme headaches ever since a car accident I was involved in in 1988. The weather caused the arthritis to go spastic on me and I've fought headaches nearly every day of the last 4 weeks. I'm sure the stress and mental fatigue only intensified them.

I could go on... but I'm sounding like quite the whiner right now. I've tried really hard not to give in to being negative and whining... but today, the headaches got the upper hand and I've just had all I could take. I didn't really whine to anyone else... but I sure had a whining session with God. I mean, I just unloaded on Him, telling Him I've had all I could take and he was going to have to do something and soon. I sure am glad that God is not like we humans are, because if He were, I think He just might have smacked me upside the head. But He let me vent my frustrations and anger... and He took it. A little while later, I went by to see one of my church members who is an elderly woman. I had promised to come see her last week, but another person's emergency took her time away. When I got there, she expressed her happiness that I'd come and began to fill me in on the past couple of weeks since my last visit. As I sat there and listened to her I began to think about how that for almost a year now, she has been shut in, either in the hospital, in her home, or for a couple of months in a nursing home. She began to speak of her loneliness and how much she misses being able to attend church, and then for the next 30 minutes told me stories of her memories of church, her love for God and the people of God. As I listened to her, I began to realize just how blessed I am, even on my worst day. The headache was (and is) still there, but I thanked God that I am able to get out and do things for myself. Yes, I have pain... and yes the stresses of life are real... but I am blessed. My efforts are not always successful... but I thank God for the opportunities to at least try. I may not see a lot of progress in trying to help others right now... but I thankful that God has chosen me to be used by him in these situations. The reality is, all I can do is give advise and counsel from the Word; the choice from there belongs to others. I'm thankful for the opportunity to at least sow seeds.

Yeah, I'm back tonight... still fighting a headache... still fighting my arthritis... but I've gotten up from my pity pot, and I happy to proclaim... "I am blessed!"

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