I don’t know if any of the rest of you guys and gals out there in the blogging world find blogging to be like this, but for me, some days writing a post is hard.
Sometimes I sit and look at the screen and nothing is there. I mean the cupboard is bare. Sometimes I come back to the computer several times a day and I will begin to write… and then I delete. Then I write and I delete over and over again telling myself I'm too being to harsh today, or too negative, too melodramatic or maybe that I am just being too boring today. And so, the blog sits without a post because I fear that readers might discover I really have no ability to write, and then they might not come back again.
You know, it is really funny; when all this began almost a year ago, I was not concerned at all if anyone ever read The Dawghowse. It was not about that at all. And truthfully, it still is not really about that, yet at the same time, I have come to realize that it's hard to blog when you know that people are reading. I am humbled and honored when I take a peek in and see where my readers hail from and I discover that every week I have readers from roughly 40 different states, and 15 to 20 different countries. And the funny thing is that Once I began to realize that there are actually people out there reading my thoughts, then the expectations I began to impose on myself became huge and sometimes I tend to shut down for fear that someone will not like what I have to say.
Sometimes I think I will just quit or maybe change to a new blog under an assumed name so that nobody knows who I am… thinking that the anonymity will give me more freedom to write what I really think. (Some of you are finding it hard to believe that I could ever have a hard time voicing my opinion, right?)
Well, those of you who know me know all too well that it’s not so much that I have trouble saying what I think. The problem is, I realize that everyone knows I am a Pastor, and people expect me to be “the preacher” all the time, but the reality is, I am a husband and father. I am a friend. I am brother or uncle to some of my readers. And let’s not forget… I am a nut. I love to have fun and to laugh. Call me what you will, but I bust a gut laughing at some things I see and hear, and I also get really angry when I see others. I am human.
But I often fear that if people see all of me, then they will form a negative opinion of the God that I love and serve. So, sometimes some of the best stuff gets deleted before you ever see it. I know I cannot please everyone, but sometimes the pressure gets great.
Okay… I am rambling now. See what I mean? I wasn't going to post because I knew this would happen...but that's what's on my mind today.