Can't Fix Stupid

Over the past 2 months I have received about 6 or 7 phone calls from the United States Census Bureau demanding to know why the Census form sent out last fall was not filled out. Every time they have called, I have tried explaining to them that this was a church and that no one lived here, and we were not required to fill out the form.  Several times I have been threatened fines and even imprisonment for not complying. I've asked them over and over if they could understand what I was telling them, and that this was a church, but it never seemed to get through to them. They threatened to send someone out to investigate and conclude if charges needed to be filed. Last week I finally said, "I wish you would, then just maybe you people would understand."


So... fast forward to today. I come into the office and there is a message on my answering machine telling me they needed me to respond to this call immediately... yep, from the U.S. Census Bureau.  So, I called them back and they replied that they had an agent in the area and that he would be dropping by shortly. They really tried to make it sound intimidating. I told them that I'd be in the office until around 3:30, so, come on by, but after that they would have to come back another day. They said they may be later than that and that I MUST stay here or face legal consequences. I politely told them again that I was leaving at 3:30, so they needed to have their agent here prior to that. The woman was really getting hot now... so I hung up on her.


A few minutes ago, the agent arrived. He walked up to the door and asked me if I could direct him to 205 N. State Street. I told him he was standing on it. He looked at his papers, at me and said, "I take it you are the man that the regional office has been speaking to." I said that I was and introduced myself. He reached out and shook my hand and said, "Just want you to know that we are not all as stupid as the folks in the office" and apologized for the inconvenience, and turned and walked out the door. Five minutes later, the phone rang and it was the woman at the Census Bureau office. She was very agitated and said, "Sir, if you had just informed us that this was a church building we would have noted that in the computer and not bothered you any further."  I started to argue the point with her, but the thought hit me, "you cannot fix stupid." So I said, "thank you very much" and hung up the phone.  Our tax dollars at work... aren't you thrilled?